But Inside I’m Screaming

Not wanting to speak for everyone I will say that I have felt this way and I’m sure many other people have felt this way, too.

But Inside I’m Screaming” by Elizabeth Flock

It’s no secret that many people in the world suffer from overwhelming stress at some point in their life. Many people also suffer from severe anxiety and depression. There is no shame in that fact and no one should be judged negatively if they wall in one or all of those categories.

This book is about a reporter who suffered a nervous breakdown on the air. It was in that moment that she reached the very end of her rope. Perhaps she has been hanging from the thinnest shred of a thread on that rope for some time and it finally just snapped.

***spoiler alert***

Isabel tries to kill herself. After being released from the hospital she is admitted into a psychiatric facility called Three Breezes. She meets a lot of other people there are are all dealing with their own issues. While she is being treated there she learns how to cope better with the stress and anxiety in her life. She also begins to really see who she is and why she has been caught in the same destructive patterns for so long. She realizes she is constantly wanting love from her father, acceptance from her Mom and the approval of a man in her love life. Rather than being strong enough to steer her own life, she constantly gets herself involved with someone who makes all the choices for her. She has constantly tried to make everyone else feel better, most blaming herself for why they don’t. And most of all she realizes that none of those things matter, what matters most is that she needs to love herself. SHE needs to love HERSELF. Everything else falls into place after that.

As Isabel begins to heal and blossom she also starts reaching out to other patients at the facility. One patient in specific is a child, Peter, who she feels a connection to because she sees herself as a child in him. The interaction between those two is very touching.

At times the book was very hard to read. Elizabeth Flock did not try to hide the grim and frightening details of mental illness and the road to recovery. Unfortunately, it all seemed very true and real to me and often times I felt like it was written about me…I am Isabel. The parallels were alarming. But maybe that is why it felt so good to get to the end and know that Isabel has a long way to go, but that she is going to be okay…as long as she keeps going and as long as she loves herself.

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