Extremely flexible shoes

Get ready for it, roll your eyes and change windows if you don’t feel like reading, but I’m giving you a personal Friday post this morning.

Because the tears are rolling down my face and I would be pretty okay if I was taken away from myself for a bit if possible.

See the thing with feeling that way is that being taken away from myself also means being taken away from all the best parts of my life and that would be dreadful. There are so many wonderful, beautiful pieces of life and even now in a low spot I still can smile through it. And yes, thinking of Finnegan refusing his sneakers because he loves his rain boots makes me laugh out loud while I write the post. Sitting in the driveway this morning with Braeden while he expressed concern because he forgot Shamrock bear and he knew he had an uncomfortable dentist appointment scheduled for this afternoon. It was an immediate response for me to say I would gladly paint a bear nose on my face and make bear ears and wear them with him to the dentist office this afternoon so that he would have a Shamrock bear with him. Braeden is 7 years old and the thought of his Mom trying to be a bear for him at the dentist made him roll his eyes, but it cheered him up and he said he’d take a hug instead.

I guess I’m trying to explain to you readers and to myself that I am not wallowing or dwelling; at least not completely. I’m very much anti-those things.

But spending the afternoon at the childrens’ hospital with Finnegan (our 20 month old) yesterday just sort of sent me over the edge that I was already teetering on with extremely flexible shoes.

I’m just trying to breathe.

I’m trying really hard not to shake.

How am I supposed to sit here and work?

Where is my cloned Mom self who can be at home with Finn, also take Brae to the dentist, and be at work and get a shower so I can cry while the water runs and no one will see or hear me?


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